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  • Writer's pictureShohreh R Aftahi, PhD

Who Is In Charge?

Today I received a text message from a client of mine that said, “I just got some very disturbing news at 8:20 am that my nephew committed suicide in my parent’s pool early this morning”. And last month I received a text message from a friend that one of the managers we both knew at a company we had worked for had committed suicide, a young man in his early 30s.

It’s these types of events that strengthen my belief that complexity in social trends is draining the personal power, leaving people feeling powerless and anxious. The Struggles due to social expectations and pressure, bad marriage, finances, or job leave us vulnerable and lead to feeling victimized! The first step in recovery is to understand feeling victimized is a choice. Yes, a choice. The missing ingredient in most cases is the ability to push back on self-loathing thoughts. Take every experience as a learning opportunity and put the outcome to use to moving forward. Let us recognize that feeling secure does not mean to be egotistic, selfish, self-centered, or a bully. It has nothing to do with money, luxury and status. Feeling insecure doesn’t happen suddenly, it happens over a long period of time.

So, how can you reclaim your sense of security and empowerment? Stop giving away your power! You don’t have to please everyone. You don’t have to be what others want you to be. Be who you are. You will accomplish much more as you than as the image what others want you to be. Your feeling of self-worth will increase, and you will start appreciating you, as you are today at this moment. This doesn’t mean you don’t evolve or change, it means you will evolve and change with your set of experiences.

In the quest for self-empowerment we must seek mental adulthood. Our physical being has no choice to grow to adulthood, but psychological adulthood is not given, takes focus and work. How many people have you met in your lifetime that you may have commented ‘boy, he/she is 40 year going on 14’? Adulthood comes slowly, we mature with experiences and as our ability to digest information and process them strengthens over time we develop our core-self. Our core-self is the author of our life story; this idea is opposite of being a victim, who lives a life authored by others. Ask yourself, who’s in charge of my life?

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